


Loosing His fight

by Hooded_Geek



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Angst, Broken Kuroko, Depressed Kuroko Tetsuya, Kuroko snaps, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pain, Sad Kuroko Tetsuya
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:01:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27117157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hooded_Geek/pseuds/Hooded_Geek
Summary: The mental effects of Kuroko after loosing to Aomine
Relationships: Kagami Taiga & Kuroko Tetsuya
Comments: 11
Kudos: 43





	1. How Boring

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so, this is a little different to what I'm used to writing on wattpad but I really liked this one too. Idk if its any good though. 
> 
> This does follow the cannon A little with some of the dialogue.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The entire team remembered the one thing they had seemed to forget, 
> 
> Kuroko was Human.

"I can beat anyone by myself now, Even without your passes" 

Aomines painful voice still echoed in his head from middleschool as he slowly takes his jersey off, the fabric sticking to his skin from the sweat making the process feel even worse. They had just lost to Touou..Miserably and even though Riko tried to encourage them knowing they had two more games to play, the atmosphere in the room stays the same - Negative and dejected. They knew they had to put their all into these next games, but Kuroko didn't have anymore energy in his body to even move his gaze up from the floor, so playing to his best ability was hopeless. He kept his eyes down as he grabs his shirt silently 

The entire room was quiet, even Kagami. Only the sound of clothes rustling, lockers closing. Bags zipping up and heavy breathing. Kuroko didn't think it was possible, for Aomine to break him again. No that was wrong

Kuroko never got fixed. 

They get changed in silence, no one had the heart to say anything after Riko's small announcement. Kuroko could guess Kagami was seething in pain and anger after all the coach took him out because of his legs. Kuroko doubts Kagami will play the last two games they have. Could _He_ even play the last two games? It took all his strength just to breath in. Everything had turned - Blank 

Dull 

Empty

Boring. 

The door to the locker room swings open as everyone files out. Kagami and Kuroko were the last to leave. Though Kuroko was too lost in his thoughts to register another presence with him. Why did He have to suffer just for trying. Oh Kuroko always tried so hard - He fought through every day. He fought through every second. He was always fighting. 

To get out of bed, to walk to school, to do homework, to passing the ball. 

It was all one big war to him now, He tried to hide it and he was good at it, After all Akashi always told him to hide his emotions and he did, He hid them so well that not even Momoi could tell he was suffering in silence. 

"Hey" Kagami's deep voice startles him from his thoughts and he jumps a little, He keeps his gaze down still not wanting onto meet Kagami's face, he didn't want to see that look in his eyes, that angry look. Oh if only Kuroko was stronger he could avoid that look. "This might be our limit, I thought we could go further. But look at us" Kagami's voice continues, Kuroko stares at the lockers in front of him. Kuroko was silently begging Kagami not to give up on him. But Kagami wasn't finished with his little speech, If only he knew just how much his next words would crack Kurokos spirit even more. "In the face of overwhelming power, I don't think we can win just by working together" He turns and walks out the locker room leaving Kuroko in a state of shock. He stays silent, Kagami's words soaking into the very core of his being. He stares at the floor waiting, Maybe they once again forgot he wasn't there and went home - He had hoped so, maybe then they wouldn't see just how lost he was. After a few minutes of just sitting there - his chest aching with every tragic inhale - He realized how his eyes burned, how his face was a little wet and hot, He slowly brings a shaky hand up to his eyes and wipes away the clear substance, He laughs bitterly to himself. 

"How pathetic" He whispers as he slowly stands up taking another painfully deep breath and dries his face, "Damn it" He whispers "Damn it!" He yells, Another out of character thing for Kuroko Tetsuya to do. The third thing he did was punch the locker in-front of him out of rage and sorrow. There was another moment of pure silence, nothing moved before Kuroko pulls his hand away from the locker, pain radiating up from his fist and up his arm. He backs away before falling over the bench behind him and landing on his back. He makes no sound as he slowly pushes himself up and sighs forcing him out the door and to the exit, He looks around feeling the warm air on his face. 

"Kuroko! we were waiting for you" Riko says with a frown "Come on" She shakes her head and starts walking away. So they waited for him. 

How boring 

__________________

The week after they had lost any chance of redemption by loosing their last two games they had returned to school with not only the shame of loosing but with the shame of getting their score doubled. 

It didn't bother Kuroko much as he walks down the corridor of his school towards the gym. He hadn't spoken to Kagami in a while, he found it hard to even look at the male without his chest aching and his throat closing up. He had hoped punching that locker would have broken SOMETHING but all he got was bruising. Maybe he could fall off a wall and land wrong. He sighs and slumps towards the club locker room to change for practice, Luckily no one noticed him or payed him any attention. He opens the door and slowly walks towards his locker. 

After getting changed he slowly enters the gym using all his energy to force his feet to the group,

"Where's Kuroko Is he skipping?" His captain asks, Kuroko lets out a small sigh 

"I'm not skipping " He says causing the group to jump and yelp in the sudden appearance of their phantom

"Haven't experienced that in a while" Hyuuga mumbles, Just before they start their game Koganei and Tsuchida approached him with a bold statement 

"This time Kuroko...We'll stop you"

Kuroko Only nodded, It took everything he had to not to sigh or roll his eyes or even laugh at their ridiculous statement, He had to literally bite his tongue not to make a sarcastic remark. After all Aomine proved how easily he could be stopped. Right?

Clearly the pair wasn't on top of their game since they didn't stop him once, Kuroko sighs as he watches the ball roll away from him after a failed attempt. No one was on top of their game. And Koganei and Tsuchida Had once again failed to stop him. Kuroko glares down at the ball that had slipped out of his hand, His gaze shifts to his hand noting his fingers were shaking slightly, He frowns and clenches his fists tightly and takes a deep breath.

How Pathetic

__________________

Kuroko hadn't spoken to Kagami in weeks, He hadn't even looked at him. Even when he returned to practice. It wasn't Kagami anymore. 

In Kagami's time away Kuroko had met their new center 'Kyoshi Teppei' A strange man who clearly doesn't know much about first impressions. In fact Kuroko didn't like him much in their first meeting, after all He was everything Kuroko wasn't, the only thing similar was their willingness to fight. 

Though that fire is quickly extinguishing for Kuroko.

And now the big center had challenged Kagami to a One-on-One, everyone stares at the pair as they look back at each other, Kuroko didn't like the aura coming off Kagami, Of course he couldn't do anything about it. After all Kuroko was useless to the team now. One big Rusted tool. Everyone seemed to hold their breath as the game began, The air seemed to still as dread fills the pit of Kuroko's stomach. No one could take their eyes off the pair as they ran around the space, Kuroko wished he could stop watching Maybe then his heart would stop hurting.

And to almost everyone's surprise Kagami won, He had beaten kiyoshi Teppei in a match. Kuroko laughs to himself silently, It was a bitter laugh. For a split second he saw Aomine where Kagami stood, He stares at him silently as Kagami walks out the gym. Kagami was once again acting alone Just like Aomine did and it made Kuroko hate himself even more. 

Maybe Kuroko was the common denominator here. Maybe _he_ was the reason his 'Lights' left him. Only Kagami hasn't left him yet, It was only a matter of time before Kagami realizes, 

He can be just as strong as the Generation, without Kuroko by his side. Kuroko once again laughs to himself, He laughs AT himself. He can't do a damn thing by himself. How pitiful, How pathetic 

How boring.

__________________

"Kuroko"" Kagami says as they get ready for their practice game, only the first years where playing. Fun. "You don't need to pass to me anymore" Ah there it is, The moment Kuroko had been waiting for,

The moment he had been dreading. 

Kuroko watches stunned as Kagami walks away, He laughs to himself as once again, Kagami's figure slowly shifts to Aomine. Kuroko had to stop himself from reaching out, from screaming, crying. From Hurting. Kuroko had to stop himself from getting on his knees and begging for Kagami to take it back. 

That would be too pathetic and Kuroko wasn't at that stage in his life yet. Kuroko goes to walk to the line up but the squeaking the shoes made against the gym floor makes his head spin and his stomach churn as if he was going to be sick. He stops walking, closing his eyes to center himself. This was probably just nerves. 

Oh he was wrong, this feeling got worse at any Opportunity. The refs whistle, the sound of the ball on the floor, Of the ball hitting someones hand. The feeling of the ball against his skin, Hell Even the feeling of his jersey made him nauseous. But the worst sound of them all, the sound that made his head spin and chest tighten to the point he couldn't breath,

Was the sound of the buzzer.

Before he knew it The game was over, Kagami carried them to victory practically by himself. Kuroko did not share their celebrations as he looked down at his hands, he frowns to himself seeing his fingers tremble gently again, Stupid useless things. Everything about him was useless. He couldn't do anything. He looks back at the score as the team celebrates their victory. Kuroko was just glad he didn't mess up his passes. 43 to 41 points. 

Lame. 

He can hear everyone laughing and congratulating everyone who played, He was glad he was invisible. Or so he thought

"Kuroko" Teppei's voice rings through his head making the pain behind Kurokos eyes worse, He closes his eyes and turns around to him "A word?" He asks and gestures for him to follow him as they walk towards a different area of the gym they had played in not registering that all eyes were now on them "They wont hear anyway" Teppei says, Kuroko just shrugs.

They stand in silence before Kiyoshi sighs "Look Kuroko - I hope this game helped you realize the one thing I think you need to. Kuroko...Abandon your play style" He says seeing Kuroko stiffen a little. Kiyoshi Sighs again "I understand you've been using it for a while, And thats why you should abandon it. Depending completely on one person, on anyone its harmful" He watches for a reaction but Kuroko keeps his head down. "I...I see you're struggling but, Kuroko we're all here for you no matter what you're going through, Thats what A team is. Its what a team does. Breaking in silence will give you no chance of coming back stronger." He sighs once again "I'm telling you all this because..I don't think you've changed much from middle school, we've all changed because of loss right? Came back different, stronger right? we're a team we care for each other, we care for YOU kuroko"

Kuroko was silent taking in everything he had heard, For once Kuroko didn't understand. Kiyoshi was different, Kagami was different. Yet he stayed the same. They stood in silence for a few more seconds, Kiyoshi wondered if he had upset the younger one with what he had said before he heard the bitter laughter Kuroko had become so familiar with. He slowly raises his head, Kiyoshi took a step back in shock once he had a look at the hopelessness in Kurokos eyes.

"That is the biggest load of bullshit I've heard" He says, "Really?" he says "Oh I'm sure the team cares greatly about...What did he say...Dull, Invisible boring Kuroko tetsuya."

"What?" Kiyoshi says 

"Well that's what they said when Momoi came bouncing in with her whole 'I love you Tetsu' shit" He says voice cracking under the weight of his pain. Kiyoshi realized now just how much the phantom had hid, How much he had suffered through alone. Kiyoshi realized how much responsibility Kuroko Tetsuya had put on his own shoulders. Once again another laugh echoes through the gym causing everyone's attention back on him 

"Oh don't worry...I'm fine.." He says "Who would worry about little old me, the trump card that lost its effectiveness, the tool that rusted and got tossed away because it wasn't needed. After all Its just Kuroko. the boy with no emotions" He laughs and looks around staring back at Kagami before looking around "Did anyone ever think that Loosing to Aomine hurt more than I care to say, then I cared to show? That I was alone in that locker room thinking about how I could have been better? How I was wishing for some reason to keep fighting? That I was hurting too?! no of course no one did" He whispers. The entire team remembered the one thing they had seemed to forget, 

Kuroko was Human.

"I guess Aomine was right... he can win with or without my passes...Anyone can..Even Seirin" He laughs

"Kuroko" Kiyoshi says seeing Kurokos hands shaking slightly, "Lets take a moment and relax a little, take a deep breath" 

Kuroko was overcome with his own emotions, he was cracking, He was breaking. Is this what needed to happen? Maybe

Is this was Kiyoshi wanted to happen? No

Kuroko laughs again as he looks around. Tears streaming down his face but he didn't care. Everything was dull, blank. He didn't even enjoy Basketball anymore. He wanted to stop..He wanted to feel something else than the numbness inside him. So He did the one thing no one expected him to do. 

Within seconds Kuroko had turned towards the wall and took a swing, One big swing with his right hand. All his anger had been put behind it. The sound resonated around the room as Seirin watched their phantom do the last thing they never expected, 

Kuroko Tetsuya just broke his hand.

Kuroko gets pulled back from the wall, his hand shaking from the impact. He looks back at the person who pulled him back. He could see the blurry image of Kagami through his tears.

"Jesus Kuroko" He says Kuroko stares at him blankly before he started laughing as the pain sets in, it didn't hurt as much as he was expecting. He stares down at his bruising hand. With his voice cracking with his tears, he laughs and says out loud for the first time the two words he had been thinking for days.

"H-How Boring"


	2. Chapter 2

Kagami couldn't stop his feet from moving - He _Had_ To move otherwise his thoughts would suffocate him. He continues to pace back and forth as the others remain silent each lost in their own thoughts, they let Kurko suffer all this time. what did he do wrong? Why didn't he notice?

God Kagami was so dense! Of course Kuroko was deeply hurt by loosing to Aomine, They were best friends in middle school and Aomine just tossed him away like he was nothing. Kagami pauses and gulps a little, was that what Kuroko thought he was doing? Throwing him away, Oh how could Kagami be so stupid? They were supposed to be a pair, They were partners and friends. Kagami just wanted him to get stronger by himself so he didn't have to rely on anyone. He frowns to himself as he starts walking again.

"Kagami stop pacing" Riko says as she leans back in her chair trying not to panic or lose composure

"He's been in there for an hour!" Kagami says as he looks back at her, concern consuming all other emotions "Why would he do this to himself?"

"Oh yeah, We have those games coming up don't we? We wont be able to win without him" Koganei says Obviously they misunderstood what Kagami was saying, Just because he liked the game doesn't mean that's all he thinks about .

"I don't care about games right now" Kagami says shocking everyone - That annoyed him more. He frowns gently and sighs trying to calm the burning in his stomach "I care about the fact my friend thought there was no other option than to hurt himself and _I_ put him there because I'm an Idiot. I don't care about games at all" He says. The door swings open and the doctor steps out with his clipboard he adjusts his glasses. Everyone leans forward in their seats.

"Well Luckily its not broken" He says with a small smile. A heavy weight was removed from the entire team as it felt like they could finally breath, Kagami's shoulders relax from their tense state as he finally breaths a sigh of relief "Though Mr Kuroko didn't seem too happy about that news. Reviewing what you told me earlier it would seem he needs to be watched for a couple of days to make sure he doesn't hurt himself further." 

"He can stay with me" Kagami says before anyone says anything, Before anyone gets to even think about it. He had planned this - to have Kuroko stay at his place for a few days so he can fix things. "We need to talk anyway" 

"But what about Number 2?" Riko asks holding the whining pup up to face him. Kagami's face shifts from concern to fear as he backs away from the puppy with a small feeble yelp 

"Well Uh" He takes a deep breath trying to calm his nerves, He needed to do this if He was going to help Tetsuya of he was going to undo his part of his mistake - And everyone else's "For Kuroko I will endure" He says "He's my friend and....And I let him down. We really let him down" He nods to himself to try and hype himself up. the doctor nods 

"Right now that's sorted. He'll have some bruising and some swelling but there's no break I don't think he hit it hard enough its just a severe sprain. He should rest it for a couple days and nothing too straining for a few weeks to not agitate the injury" He says. "I recommend ice packs and painkillers and nothing too tight around his wrists to contain any excess pressure" He says, Kagami knew Kuroko wouldn't like not wearing his wrist bands He guessed they were like his comfort blanket, He'd always see him tugging at them before and during games - Nervous habit?

"When can I- Uh I mean WE see him?" Kagami asks getting impatient. 

"Best give him some time to himself. He seemed pretty upset when he was in the chair, He was frustrated and only answered my questions with a nod or a shake of the head - I can refer you guys to a Psychologist, that might be best" The doctor Suggests 

"Maybe ask him what HE wants first " Kagami whispers, "We've ignored his feelings for too long." He says. "I'm going in" He says ignoring everyone else. 

"The doctor just said he needed time" Hyuuga says standing up.

"He needs to know he's not alone anymore!" Kagami says loudly, "That we wont abandon him! That we actually need him and that he's worth something!" he frowns before pushing the door open, He didn't care if he yelled at his captain. He didn't care about anything he was angry and upset with himself - A horrible burning anger that spreads through his chest causing his heart to ache. No-one dared to follow him, when Kagami was that upset to yell at Hyuuga they knew he was mad and besides. If anyone would be able to console Kuroko, It would be Kagami.

He sighs a little as he walks in seeing Kuroko on the chair - A small bandage around his wrist and thumb. His head was down so Kagami couldn't see his expression, Not that he would be able to anyway. He takes a deep breath as he starts walking, Kuroko must not have heard him come in since he jumps and tenses. "Hey" He whispers quietly not wanting to spook him. "Doc said you're not broken...Its not broken sorry" He sighs and sits on the chair opposite Kuroko. He sighs "Uh...Where do I start?" He whispers, More to himself than Kuroko on the chair

"By leaving...Please" Kuroko whispers, A small quiet whisper that Kagami wouldn't have heard if he wasn't paying such close attention to Kuroko.

"Kuroko...Please" 

"No Kagami" Kuroko says, "I don't want to talk right now, I don't want to hear how I'm being selfish or how I'm not behaving...The right way"

"There's no right way to behave in this situation Kuroko" Kagami says, He sighs gently - Kuroko hasn't raised his head to face him since he entered. He takes a deep breath looking back at the bandage on his hand. "Does it hurt?" He asks, "Kuroko look at me" A small shake of the head is all he got in response. "Kuroko" He whispers reaching out and lifting his head. 

Red 

Red puffy eyes, Dried tears still present on his face. Bloodshot eyes that were still a little glossy and pain so evidently shining in them. Kagami almost lost himself in the pain swirling around in his eyes, it was almost suffocating for Kagami to just see it, He wondered if Kuroko was also suffocating No...Maybe He was drowning instead.

Maybe he's already drowned...Just how long has his head been under water for Kagami not to notice?

Kagami really was an idiot

"Kuroko...It's all okay" Kagami whispers, "Let me get you some water and a cold compress to take away the discomfort" He stands up walking towards the sink. "There's a bottle of water in my bag I hope that's okay. I don't think we should drink from this tap" He says with a chuckle.

He sighs gently as Kuroko stays seated, He could only Imagine what was going on in the boys head and he wasn't about to act like he understood how he felt right now. He walks back to his friend and gently passes him the cloth "Here it'll help the redness and swelling" He grabs his bag and rummages through it. He grabs out the water bottle "Its not as cold as it was when I bought it but it'll do" He says Holding it out "Kuroko...Drink"

The room was silent as the blue haired boy twists the cap off the bottle, Kagami watches him take a few big gulps before placing the bottle down. "I'm sorry Kagami" He whispers his voice cracking a little,

"For?" Kagami whispers "You have nothing to apologize for, In fact I should be the one saying sorry to you...I uh...I didn't really communicate my emotions and intentions properly and...I put you through a lot of pain without thinking or even seeing it.." He sits down "I shouldn't have left you in that locker room - I knew what happened between you and Aomine" Kagami see's Kuroko visibly flinch at the name. Kagami sighs gently and grabs his hand. "listen...Right now we're gonna go tell the team you're okay, Then you can stay at my place -ah doctors orders - Get you something to eat and you can rest."

"But-" Kuroko stares back at him as Kagami puts a hand over his mouth to stop him from talking.

"No buts- when you're all better we're gonna get stronger and then we're gonna kick Aomines ass and then we're gonna beat everyone else and prove to them that Kuroko Tetsuya... Seirins best player" He chuckles gently seeing Kuroko roll his eyes "That Seirins shadow...is amazing".

Kuroko slowly pulls Kagami's hand away with a small sigh "My passes are off - they suck and...And I'm the reason-".

"Stop" He says "Everyone's off right now... Its gonna be okay. I'm going to help you through this okay? I'll help...fix you since you think you're broken" He stands up pulling Kuroko from his chair. "I need my shadow right?" Kuroko stares at him before laughing.

"Fine..." He says wiping his face with the cloth gently. "Lets go...Can you handle Nigou?" Kagami sighs.

"If its for you? I can handle anything" Kagami laughs gently walking to the door "The coach is gonna hit you when you're all better you know?" Kuroko chuckles gently.

Kuroko had a lot of emotions running around in his body, He never knew how to handle them and after Akashi told him to keep them inside. But Kagami's here now...Its gonna be okay.

Its all gonna be okay.

Aomine called Kagami's light dim, But its brighter than ever with Kuroko by his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not the best but I lost the motivation hah! I tried to do this more from Kagami's Point of view. I have proof read this like 5 times so I hope there's no mistakes :/


	3. Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroko spends his first night at Kagami's and reflects on his feelings,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I assume this one needs a small TW (Probably should have one in chapter 1 too? I'm new to this so Idk what to TW) But 
> 
> TW: Self harm

Kagami walks into his house - Holding the door open for the silent Shadow that lurked behind him, he hadn't said a word since they left the hospital, He had stayed quiet through all the teams questions and concerns and didn't bother answering Kiyoshi when he came to apologize. Kagami watches his blue haired partner slump into his house and sighs gently. 

"I'll make us something to eat yeah?" Kagami says "What do you want?" He asks as he sets the bag down and jumps a little at Nigou who was barking happily by his feet, He gulps down the panicked scream that almost shot out. He sighs gently and looks back at his friend 

"I dont care" Was Kuroko's silent reply, Kagami lets another long sigh invade the atmosphere before walking towards the kitchen. 

"Well...Why don't you sit back and watch tv? I can run out to rent a movie or something" He says and glances at Kuroko, "Or you can take a shower I can lend you some clothes as I wash your uniform?" Kuroko remains silent, He sighs again "Look Kuroko - You need to give me something, A nod or shake of the head will be just fine for now" 

"I'll just sit here Kagami - Thank you" Kuroko says not bothering to look at Kagami, Kagami knew Kuroko wasn't going to bounce back quickly. He knew the pain of Physical recovery, He knew the pain of mental recovery over a game loss. But this was more than loosing a game of Basketball to Kuroko, It was about Aomine - Aomine who crushed his spirit and walked away without looking back at his friend. This was more than Loosing a game to Kuroko. 

It was about loosing his fight, Loosing his will to play a game he used to enjoy. Kagami had never hated basketball - He had no idea how Kuroko was feeling or the internal struggle his partner was going through. But he promised himself that he was going to be there through every step of the way. Even if Kuroko's recovery was a Two steps forward one step back kind of thing, He'll guide him back through that one step. Every time no matter how long it takes. 

He'll make sure Kuroko smiles at basketball again.

Once again silence consumes the room, the clanging of pots and pans in the kitchen breaks through every now and then. But the noises do nothing to silence the storm in Kurokos brain. He stares down at the sleeping puppy that was curled up on his lap keeping his legs warm, He could feel the gently heartbeat from the puppy as he relaxes in his sleep. Kuroko knew Kagami was trying his best and knew that they were probably going to have more emotional conversations. Kagami doesn't always know the right thing to say but he was trying - And that meant more to Kuroko than he cared to admit. No-one in the Generation really knew when Kuroko was off or down - Nor did Seirin until his little blow up. How could he blow up like that? That was disrespectful to his senpai.

He was surprised they didn't kick him out the team, Though that might have been insult to injury, He didn't think when he flung his hand towards the wall. It was like his body was screaming at him, Telling him to do it - A broken bone is better than a broken mind after all. Bones heal while the wounds that remain in our memories scar weakly - ready to reopen at any given moment. Kuroko could remember every sensation that spread through his hand when it made contact, the tinging of his fingers, the pain in his thumb and wrist before they slowly became numb, He remembered everything and he liked it, focusing on the pain he felt distracts him from the mess his mind is slowly becoming. It Saves him from the darkness that was slowly trying to drown him. He loved the pain he felt - It was better than being numb.

He didn't register the fact that Kagami was finished in the kitchen - Or that he was gently calling his name. Until his hand gently fell on his shoulder. Kuroko Jumps in surprise and looks up at his friend

"Kuroko? Dinners ready" Kagami says with a small smile "You need to eat something then I'll set up the guest room"

Kuroko nods and slowly stands up leaving behind a sleeping Nigou as Kagami leads him to the table, Kagami hadn't set a lot of food on Kuroko's plate knowing the boy didn't eat as much as he did. Kuroko silently sits down and waits for Kagami to start eating before he slowly picks away at the food not having much of an appetite, He takes a deep breath before forcing himself to start eating. He didn't want to be rude to Kagami,

Kagami was kind, He was always so kind - Though he never knew how to say certain things or words of encouragement. Kuroko was grateful for Kagami being by his side. He didn't really know what was going around in his head but, He found it hard to breath and hard to think sometimes. He couldn't eat if he was by himself - He hadn't eaten properly in the past couple weeks one thought always rang in his head,

It was all his fault they lost. 

If he was stronger, If he could shoot a basket or even if his misdirection lasted longer. they would have stood a chance 

But they didn't, Because he was weak. The generations words rang in his head like a school bell though no one was there to dismiss him from his pain. 

"How can someone who can't do anything by himself understand"

They were right - Kuroko was completely dependent on others He couldn't do a thing by himself. He was tired of fighting, he was so close to giving up. He was suffocating in his own misery before Kagami managed to grab a hold of him. But there was a long road of recovery ahead of them. Kuroko would get stronger - Strong enough to face those who haunted him head on. He'll find a way so no one can tell him he isn't needed.

But first Kuroko had to make it all up to his team, His outburst was unacceptable. He'll apologies tomorrow at practice and hopefully, They'll accept.

They both eat in a comfortable silence Kuroko spending more time pushing the food around his plate that actually putting it in his mouth, Kagami was too focused on what Kuroko was doing. But the silence was still comfortable - it wasn't like how it was in school. It was awkward - Like Kuroko wanted to say something but was afraid. Kagami had made him afraid, He had almost ruined his friendship because he didn't how how to communicate properly. He would make this all up to Kuroko, He would make sure he's well fed and looked after. Kuroko was still off Kagami could tell there was still a mess of emotions swirling inside his small body and He didn't know how to help. 

"Kagam-Kun I'm done" Kuroko says 

"Ah uh Okay...Ill set up your room. Coach said to come to practice but you can't actually practice"

"Like you Did with your legs? But you didn't actually come" Kuroko says, That must have hurt Kuroko too, Not having Kagami there at least for support. Kuroko was in pain and Kagami only thought about how he felt. Kuroko doubts anyone on seirin actually thought about how he felt - After all he was emotionless. Kuroko silently watched Kagami walk away before he decides to help out a little, He gathers up the plates A small twang of pain in his wrist - It didn't bother him, He liked it. Meant he felt something that nothing at all like everyone assumed. 

He wonders if anyone told Kise, though if they had he'd be blowing up Kurokos phone abut now. He shakes his head, Why would the generation care about Kuroko's little injury. He turns the tap on letting the water heat up as he watches the water cascade into the sink. He feels the steam slowly rising up from the heat that the water was Exuding. He slowly puts his hand under the tap letting the heat burn his fingers just a little, What was wrong with him? Why couldnt he just go back to normal Why couldnt he just be okay?! Why did he have to be so stupid 

so useless

so annoying,

So frustrating,

so selfish

so...

so...

"Kuroko!" a panicked yelling cuts through his thoughts as he blinks and realizes just how long his hand was under that tap before a hand pulls his wrist away. "Shit!" Kagami whispers quickly turning the water cold and pushing Kurokos fingers under it trying to cool the skin. "Are you okay?" He asks, Kuroko stares back at him confused, Why? Why isn't Kagami mad at him? Why isn't he yelling? Why is he looking at him with so much worry in his eyes. 

Why does Kuroko keep hurting his friends.

"I'm sorry" Kuroko whispers "I was trying to help and I got lost" 

"Thats not what I asked...I asked if you were okay" Kagami says "God...You always put yourself in danger - Like with those bullies." He says, "Please take more care...I need my shadow to kick their ass now don't I?"

Kuroko chuckles gently, Kagami always was awkward and tried his best. A valued friend. "Yes Kagami," He says realizing Kagami was still gently holding his wrist under the water. "You can let go now" Kagami withdraws his hand quickly and laughs 

"Sorry" He says with an awkward smile.

"its fine. I'm sorry" Kuroko says

"I'll wash the dishes...I set up a spare change of clothes from my middleschool days - they should fit someone as tiny as you" Kagami chuckles. "The rooms down there, I set them on the bed for you" He says. Kuroko nods and slowly makes his way to the secondary room kagami pointed him to. He pushes the door open and relaxes. The room was so warm and cozy, the sun hadn't set just yet so it was spilling past the curtains. Even for a guest room it had so much more personality that Kurokos own empty bedroom. Guess that says a lot about his own personality. Kuroko lets a small smile show on his face seeing how Kagami made a makeshift bed for Nigou in the corner. He's so thoughtful sometimes, thinking more bout it, Kuroko couldn't blame Kagami for wanting to leave him behind. 

Kuroko couldn't let that happen, Kagami can't leave him not like Aomine did. He slowly takes off his uniform neatly folding it on the bottom of the bed before puling on Kagami's spare clothes, Looks like he was only a little bigger than Kuroko in middeschool because they fit pretty well. Comfortable. Warm. Kuroko would have to get some clothes from his house since Kagami is insistent on having Kuroko stay for a while and His parents were out of town. A good thing they never saw their game with Aomine, that would have been even more embarrassing.

Three soft knocks come from the door before it slowly creaks open "Hey" Kagami says "its still early so...Would you like to watch a movie or...Maybe we should talk?" Kagami says, Kuroko didn't want to talk, It hurt to talk to remember everything he had done. Forcing himself to go to practice all those times without Kagami, Even when he knew Kagami was there he still had to push himself to go. To be present, To act like he _Wanted_ to be there. He shakes his head 

"A movie sounds fine Kagami-Kun" He says, an answer Kagami expected. It would take a while for Kuroko to open up again and Kagami would rather avoid another bone breaking blow up. He would wait for Kuroko to come to him and give him prefect opportunities to talk it through.

"Okay cool" Kagami says and walsk out with Kuroko right behind him. 

"Thanks for the bed for Nigou" Kuroko says "I'll make sure to clean up any fur" 

"Don't worry about it you're my guest and so Is that....sweet...little...puppy" He says and Jumps as Nigou perks up for attention. "And Uh...Its best hes....with you" He says and pauses as Kuroko laughs gently 

"You can't be afraid of him forever" He says gently picking Nigou up, Kagami wishes Kuroko would be more careful with his wrist, He was about to tell him that he should be more gently but the small husky puppy was pushed into his face causing him to yelp and jump back stumbling onto the couch 

"Kuroko!" He says and frowns "Asshole!" He looks away face red from embarrassment, But he couldn't deny that it was good to hear Kuroko laugh, Even if it was at him. 

"Sorry but he's so cute...How can you NOT like him?"

"Because he's evil"

"He's a puppy" Kuroko laughs "Be thankful he's not fully grown yet have you seen how big these breeds get?" That just made Kagami even more afraid. Kuroko laughs and sets the puppy down watching him curl up between Kagami and Him as they settle down to watch a movie. 

Kuroko was glad he didn't talk With Kagami - This was a chance for him to finally try and calm his head down before bed a little, To turn off and hide from the world. The flashing lights and the badly Times jokes helped a little, it took a little weight off his shoulders to just finally take a moment to relax. 

But he doesn't have time to relax! Every second he wastes sitting around the weaker he becomes! The more he falls behind and now he's out of commission for a few weeks at least! How could he be so stupid how was he supposed to get better if he cant even play! 

He really is the worst.

He bites the inside of his cheek to try and stop the thoughts from encasing him he shouldn't be thinking this it'll just make him worse, It'll make him suffer more. He should be kind to himself but there was hardly any decent side to him. He was bland, He didn't like to joke around, he didn't speak much and liked reading and he doubts anyone would find that 'Fun'. He was plain and boring. Why was Kagami his friend? 

Why was Ogiwara?

He ends up hurting all his friends, everyone he cares for he lies to, betrays and hurts. He really did suck. 

He's better off alone...All alone. Where no one can hurt but him. 

A warm taste of iron encases his tongue as he finally bit hard enough to draw blood. He closes his eyes and lets the soft sting in his cheek soothe him just a little bringing him back to reality

Kuroko keeps his eyes on the screen, He was focused on the noises from the tv before hearing soft snoring. He turns look back at Kagami who was now dead asleep with Nigou curled up on his lap. Kuroko laughs gently and quickly takes a picture. It was nice to laugh even if it was a little. He sighs gently as he gently moves nigou and slowly shakes Kagami awake. 

"Huh what?" Kagami says half asleep, After 3 seconds he sits up quickly "I wasn't asleep! are you okay?"

"You'd know If I was okay if you weren't asleep Kagami-Kun" Kuroko teases monotonously causing Kagami to pout every so slightly. He chuckles "We should go to bed, You seem tired and you overdid it during the game today. Show off"

"Hey" Kagami says as he stands up with Kuroko "I was just Playin' to get stronger!" He says before realizing what he said "I mean, So we can both get stronger..." He says 

"Kagami its fine...I know what you meant. C'mon I'm tired" He says, A lie he wasn't that tired - Just a little drowsy. Kagami nods. 

"Yeah uh...Goodnight then?" He says, Kuroko nods as he picks Nigou up 

"Goodnight Kagami-kun and...Thank you" He smiles slightly. They stay there for a few seconds before awkwardness takes over and they both quickly walk away to their designated rooms for the night.


	4. Exhaustion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroko decides its time to take matters into his own hands and starts to train.

Kuroko couldn't sleep, though Kagami was kind enough to set up the guest room - Sleep never came. It was already 4 am and there was no hope for Kuroko to finally shut his eyes and escape, even if the tiredness burned the back of them. They were heavy - Like when you're about to fall dead asleep but every time he closed his eyes

He relived it - Every painful chest burning second of the worst game of his life. 

He hated it - He hated everything. The voice in his head that told him he was weak that he was worthless. No one knows what its like - being a shadow. Having to fight for people precious attention. Getting blamed for scaring them. He never asked for this and yet he was cursed by it. He was burdened with his own small existence.

It had been weeks since he was able to sleep properly, It had been weeks since Kuroko actually got a decent nights sleep. He was so tired but sleep was a gift never granted to him, If it wasn't memories it was the nightmares that were keeping him up at night. Vicious and cruel nightmares that made it hard to Breath.

He pushed the covers off him and slowly sits up - They sky was lightening just a little from the morning sun that was creeping its way up, It would be winter soon and Kuroko would enjoy the darkness that the cold brought, the emptiness of the streets to match the emptiness in his heart. He loved winter, not for the snow or the holidays or the fluffy sweaters. But because winter was just like him,

Avoided and hated by most. 

It was rare to meet someone that loved the snow, the cold - the dark. Others reveled in the sunny warmth that summer graced upon them, They would wait year after year for the sun to bless them with its burning light. They would curse the winter away - Unwanted. Most of the time you ask someone why Winter was their favourite season the reason would be Christmas Nothing else. 

Kuroko sighs as He pulls on his shoes after sneaking out the Guest room - Even if Kagami was a heavy sleeper he didn't want to wake him. He makes a quick mental note of what he should improve upon, His stamina was number one - If he could last longer without exhausting then he'll be more useful, the team wont have reason to toss him away. So instead - Tonight he'll run 10 miles instead of the 5 and be back in time for a shower and Kagami to wake up. He'll slowly increase the distance. He'll start going to the Gym too after all a treadmill could be useful. He slides out the door and slowly stretches his legs as he walks down the stairs. He wouldn't hurt his arm more if he was only running, It was only running. Nothing else, stamina training. He has time to heal from his wounds. 

The streets were empty - good, no chance of running into someone, No chance of hurting himself further. not that he would mind. He takes off on a light jog pacing himself so he wouldn't tire too quickly, the key was his breathing then his resilience. Kuroko had the habit of early morning runs it helped him escape from his mind. He focuses on the feeling of his feet thudding against the tarmac, He keeps it steady making sure his pace doesn't change just yet.

Just keep your breathing calm and steady, Keep everything calm. Every thing. 

Except himself, another thing to fix, his reactions. He shouldn't affect the team because of his own fleeting thoughts. 

He shouldn't have done something to drag them away from valuable practice, How could he be so selfish? God he was turning into Aomine. Only thinking of himself, How could he do this to those he cared for? How could he be so lost in his own pain that he didn't see others. 

Of course they were hurting too, they lost as-well. He only thought about how he would feel. 

Just like with Ogiwara. 

Kuroko only ever thinks about himself. 

Faster, Run faster. Escape yourself. 

Escape the person you are becoming, Run faster, faster. You need to run faster. 

Kuroko was lost, Lost in the nightmare of his minds as his legs run faster. His breathing picks up as his heart pounds against his chest screaming at him to stop. His brain wasn't paying attention as he continued to speed up. To stop himself from feeling, thinking. To stop everything, He wanted everything to stop. He wanted to finally feel okay again, Why was he so useless. 

His ears were ringing as he speeds up even more, How fast was he running? He didn't care - Focusing on his breathing, focusing on the stinging pain in his legs and the dizziness that was slowly creeping up his head. He just wanted to run away.

He had forgotten to bring some water with him. He hadn't realized how long he had been running until the sun was shining in his eyes. His chest hurt as he puts his hands on his knees taking in big gulps of air. How far had he run? He had become so lost in his torment, in his numbness. Why cant it shift to anger already? He could deal with his anger, suppress it or condense it. Make it into passion and drive for his play, But the burning in his chest remained the same pain and betrayal. 

He slowly walks back to the house, another note - bring water. He had forgotten he was tired, His body had forgotten he was tired. Amazing, running helps wake you up. Running will hide him from his nightmares AND improve his skill. Perfect. It was all so perfect. 

He slides back into the apartment and looks around, there was no smell from the kitchen and Nigou hadn't woken from his slumber. Kagami's shoes were still dangerously thrown near the door. Kuroko sighs and neatens them up by next to his shoes, Now no one will fall over when they walk into the house. Maybe Kuroko should take a shower, He was running for a while and should take one after yesterdays game. A shower would help stop his muscles from aching.

"Oh you're up" Kagami's tired Half asleep voice brings Kuroko out of his internal questions as He slowly looks over at the red head.

"Yeah I got up early to fix my hair" Kuroko says, He was getting good at lying to others. If Kagami knew he went out so early he would worry for sure. He didn't want Kagami to worry about him. He smiles gently and nods 

"Okay...Do you wanna take a shower? I can give you a towel." He Says

"That would be great thank you" Kuroko says with a small smile as Kagami nods 

"Great I'll make some breakfast and then we can change the bandage" He says, Guess it had to be done and there's no point in just leaving it when Kuroko had been sweating. The blue haired boy nods and waits patiently for Kagami to come back with a soft white towel. "We can stop by your place and get some clothes after school Kay?" Kuroko nods as he walks to the bathroom 

Kuroko walks into the bathroom sighing gently as he sets the towel on the rack and looking into the Mirror and takes a deep breath. He took note of the small bags under his eyes that were only beginning to darken from his lack of sleep that night. A shower will wake him up and he can always nap during class if he wanted to - If the tiredness got too much but he was sure he's be fine. 

He slowly unwraps the bandage from his wrist as it burns a little in pain. He looks down at the dark purple angry bruises that had formed on his knuckles. His wrist had small brown bruises from the force he had used. He sighs and gently presses down on one of the bruises on his knuckle and hisses in pain. He pauses for a couple of seconds before doing it again, Making the same pained sound. Well that means its healing 

"Please heal quickly" He whispers, He needed to be able to practice. Focus on that just focus on improving nothing else. Then he wont feel the painful aching that sat unmoving in his chest. Just focus on getting better so you wont be a burden on the team anymore. He nods to himself and takes the rest of his clothes off before getting into the shower letting the hot water run over his skin. 

Kagami on the other hand was busy grabbing Kurokos school uniform, He places it folded up neatly outside the bathroom door knocking on it three times. "Kuroko! I'm leaving your clothes here for you. Be quick so we can eat" 

"Kay!" Was Kurokos only response, Kagami sighs at least Kuroko got a shower and He's not wanting to sleep all day. Kagami will be patient and kind and ease Kuroko through his recovery. He wont let anyone hurt him anymore. He'll Make sure Kuroko gets better No matter what, Now to make him something he may actually eat. He makes his way to the kitchen, Pancakes. Everyone loves pancakes right?

They may not be great for athletes but they always make Kagami feel better, hopefully they make Kuroko feel better. He smiles to himself and nods gently. 

He became so lost in his cooking that he didn't hear Kuroko turn the shower off, Get dressed or even approach him Until he spoke up 

"Kagami-kun is a great cook" Kuroko says making Kagami jump and almost fling the pan in his shock before turning around. He was about to tell Kuroko not to sneak up on him like that but quickly reminds himself

That Kuroko couldn't help but sneak up behind him. He sighs gently seeing Kuroko with a towel on his head and his hair still dripping with the water. 

"Kuroko please don't stand so close if you're not gonna announce yourself" He says "And dry your hair before you get a cold!" He shakes his head and turns his attention to the frying pan. 

"Sorry Kagami" He says "But you are a good cook" 

"thank you Perks of livin' on your own I guess" He shrugs "Can you cook?" He asks as Kuroko starts drying his hair 

"I mean, my boiled eggs are pretty great" He says with a shrug, Kagami laughs this kid was so hopeless sometimes, 

"Okay Okay, Go sit down" He says with a small smile as Kuroko walks away to the table, After a few more minute Kagami returns with a plate of Pancakes and smiles gently. Kuroko smiles to himself, Kagami was so easy to read, Kuroko couldn't help but feel warm at Kagami's thoughtfulness. He really was nothing like Aomine. 

There was that name again, The name that always made his stomach tighten and his head spin. Why was Aomine so...Mean? So arrogant and selfish? Why did he hurt those he cared for? Kuroko blinks a little and realizes a pancake had been placed on his plate. He really didn't feel like eating but He needed his strength. 

Guess its time to force another meal down his throat, He thanks Kagami and slowly starts eating using all his willpower to force the food to his mouth. Kagami knew what he was doing, He could see what he was doing, He didn't want to force Kuroko to eat but he was glad Kuroko wasn't starving himself. He sighs as he eats his own food, He wanted Kuroko to share how he was feeling but that's got to be hard for Kuroko to do - Open up. 

He'll just have to be patient and take every moment as it comes...

Maybe Kuroko should have made himself sleep, Maybe he should have forced himself to sleep because now he was falling asleep in math class. Every time he closed his eyes he saw Aomine but he couldn't keep his eyes open for too long anymore. Maybe He should just sneak out to the nurses office -No one would notice. No he can't sleep, with sleep comes nightmares and nightmares make his heart beat too fast and he couldn't focus. Kagami had bandaged his hand again making his own silent noises at Kurokos injuries, It hurt to move his wrist but he couldn't stop himself from doing it every now and then. To Wake him up a little and to ground him. 

He can't take it anymore, He can't stay this tired and Caffeine never works, He glances at Kagami who was almost falling asleep himself. He takes a deep breath and slowly stands up quietly making his way out the classroom without being noticed - thank god for his low presence. But now he was out the classroom what should he do? 

Maybe he'll go to the track, Run a few laps...But then his Uniform would get sweaty. What should he do? A long sigh fills the silence as he walks towards the library, He'll read a little yeah that sounds good. He'll lose himself in books like he always does, His more healthy Coping mechanism. He slides into the library making sure not to alert the librarian as he walks towards the large bookshelves. He silently grabs a book off the shelf and slides down to sit on the floor opening it to the first page, He didn't want to focus on classes today, He just wanted to be alone. 

________________

His hand stops as he reaches out for the handle of the gym door, a heavy pool of anxiety gathering in the pit of his stomach, He had to apologies for his outburst and he had to make things right but. He just want ready to face all those sounds, he might actually be sick this time and that's not a good look for him its rather embarrassing. He takes a deep breath as his hand trembles on the handle trying to gather the courage to step in, any amount of courage will do. The door slowly starts to swing open as he steps inside the cold gym. It was always so cold. 

He looks around the room seeing everyone already warming up for their practice. 

"Its okay to be worried" A familiar voice from behind, Kuroko turns his head and sees Kagami standing behind him with a small smile, a small comforting smile. "I'm with you" He says putting a gentle hand on his back. Kuroko smiles and takes a deep breath trying not to let his fears overtake him. He approaches the group slowly Kagami gently pushing him forward. 

Riko was the first to see Kagami and Kuroko, Luckily Kagami was making it Obvious he was there. All her worry had vanished the second she saw him, she was so worried about him and how his hand was healing. She slowly turns to them and blinks in surprise when she see's Kuroko bow slightly

"Sorry for my sudden outburst" He says keeping his eyes on the floor in shame, Riko wondered why he was so upset with himself? He had every right to blow up like he did, He was hurting and no one saw. 

"Kuroko-kun its fine. I just want your hand to heal so you're not in pain" she says "Then I can smack you upside the head for not telling us how you feel" She says and laughs gently. Kuroko smiles a little 

"Still, I'm sorry" He says "I didn't mean to hold the team up with my injury" He says, Hyuuga clicks his tongue and walks over before raising his hand. For a split second Kuroko thought he'd feel the familiar sting on his cheek, He had expected His captain to hit him. But instead the hand was placed gently on top of his head and messes up his hair. 

"Good god Kuroko" He says "we said it was fine so its fine. You should rest up. Listen to your senpai's or I'll kill you" He says, Kuroko looks up at the entire group who were smiling gently at him, Why weren't they angry at him? Disappointed? 

Kuroko was disappointed in himself so why isn't anyone else, He was weak and useless and feeble. He...He wasn't worth their worry or their concern. 

He wasn't worth anything. 

He doesn't understand! 

"Kuroko?" Kagami says when the boy had gone completely silent, Kuroko jumps a little and looks up at them, 

"Sorry...Yeah?" He asks as Kagami gestures to the bench, Kuroko didn't really want to sit still. More junk had just been forced into his mind and if he stops for even a minute it'll overtake him He would just have to distract himself as they play. All he needed to do was focus on something else. 

He forced his feet forward and slowly pushes himself onto the bench as the coach started to bark orders. 

How could he fix this? How could he get better in a way that aids the team? How can he improve his own basketball style? How does he become more independent. He Needed to be more independent, 

So then he wont drag others down into his despair.


	5. Drowning

Kuroko seemed to be getting worse rather than getting better, His hand had healed and the doctor gave him the go ahead to start practice again. Though he had been running frequently in replace of sleep since his nightmares were getting worse and worse to the point he couldn't close his eyes for a second.

Kagami was worried about it, Kuroko wasn't eating properly and he was starting to worry about the bags under his eyes that were getting darker each passing day and there was nothing anyone could do to help him. Kuroko wouldn't open up to anyone. But Kagami did manage to get him to eat a little bit of food at a time and managed to keep him hydrated. Now Kagami didn't know that Kuroko wasn't sleeping or the fact he was running to fill the time he should have been sleeping. Kagami didn't know just how exhausted Kuroko was.

And now they were heading to some beach for this training camp and Kagami was worried, Kuroko wouldn't eat HIS cooking and Coach would surely kill him if he didn't eat hers - Though he was sure whatever she fed them would Kill them too. Just as long as nothing goes wrong and there's no unexpected surprises that could hurt Kuroko more it was going to be okay. 

That's what Kagami thought anyway, They had gotten through a day, ONE day of training before everything went wrong, When most of what Kagami had fought to fix came crumbling down as He and Kuroko both stare at one annoying member of the generation of Miracles 

Midorima Shintaro

The one who says exactly what he thinks and doesn't care if he hurts anyone in the process, and THATS why Kagami was silently cursing the man, all while making up fun ways the beat the crap out of him so he couldn't hurt Kuroko any more than Aomine did. 

Kuroko hides his wrist behind his hand not wanting Midorima to make him feel weak, there were still bruises on his knuckles and a faded and barely noticeable. He didn't want anything for Midorima to pick on and pull apart. 

Midorima on the other hand - Noticed. He noticed the bags under his eyes and he noticed just how tense his shoulders were, the subtle movement of his hand behind his back. He knew something like this would happen after the Touou game, that Kuroko's phycology would break down and he would fall apart. But it was not his job to worry about Kuroko anymore

And it was to hard to think properly with both Takao and Kagami yelling at each other, He sighs and drags his eyes away from Kuroko, "Stop yelling" He says "The both of you" He sighs, "Shutoku has traditionally come here for training camps" He shakes his head, 

Once the yelling had finished and the initial shock had vanished Kagami had become aware that Kurokos breathing was getting quicker. A quick glance in his direction proved he wasn't okay, Which was a stupid observation since Kuroko hasn't been okay since inter high. He was about to say something before the sound of footsteps come crashing towards them.

"Hey, everyone's already in the mess hall" Riko's voice was laced with annoyance and frustration, All four of them turn to see a frowning basketball coach with a very big knife in hand, some unidentified red liquid dripping down the blade enough to make everyone freeze in shock. She pauses and frowns in confusion "What's going on here?" 

"what kind of crazy school do you go to Kuroko?" Midorima says completely ignoring her question all together, He slowly looks back at Kuroko who seemed to be doing worse than before, He was breathing quicker and his eyes were on the floor. Midorima was sure Kuroko might have an anxiety attack. Just as the 'Are you okay' was about to leave his mouth Kuroko responds, though with everything running through the boys head the only thing he could come up with was a sarcastic comment

"Its called Seirin high school" was his response, Kagami choked back a small laugh at Midoirmas blank face, he was not expecting an answer like that He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose in annoyance,

"That's not what I meant!" He says and shakes his head, this kid was unbelievable, He was getting all stressed over a game, He thought maybe Kise would be the one looking after Kuroko but it seems like no one is. That's a habit of the blue haired boy, He hides things from others and it causes more problems. "You know what, I don't care... See you around" He says before storming off with Takao, There was a moment of awkward silence before Riko sighs 

"Whatever, just come and eat breakfast kay? Kuroko I actually want to see you eat something this time instead of just pushing the food around or I _Will_ Punch you" She says and walks away Leaving Kuroko along with Kagami, Once both of them were alone Kuroko lets out one long sigh of relief and leans against the wall. With experience Kagami stays silent and waits, He waits for Kurokos breathing to slow down and his eyes to open again.

And they do, After another 5 seconds Kagami was staring back at bright blue eyes that were looking up at him, a small inhale of breath was heard before Kuroko nods "I'm okay now" He whispers and sighs, Kagami smiles 

"I'm glad, cmon lets go eat" he says pausing a little when he sees the face Kuroko pulled at the mention of food, he sighs a little "Look eat a little and then you know, give me the rest without the coach knowing, I know you can do that" he says with a small chuckle walking away towards the dining hall with Kuroko behind him.

Breakfast was normal, the same routine they had been in. Kuroko ate silently before pushing the food around his plate. Kagami slid some food over to his plate whenever no one was looking. Riko wasn't watching and neither was any of seirin team. 

Midorima saw though, As much as he wanted to he couldn't ignore the situation any longer, Kuroko wasn't doing well. Kuroko wasn't his problem, right? Aomine was to blame, why should he be the one to fix him? it wasn't his responsibility

Kuroko was finding it hard to breath now that he knew a member of the generation was so close to where he was, Would this get back to Akashi or Aomine? He didn't know what to think and it was taking all his strength not to throw up. He was lucky Kagami was here to help with his lack of appetite and discomfort. As long as Kagami was by his side he would be fine.

But thanks to Riko he wasn't by his side, He was outside running around as she decided that Seirin and Shutoku arranged practice matches. Kuroko hasn't played basketball since he hurt his hand, He had held a ball when he had a small chance, He just sat and stared at the orange surface not being able to gather the courage to bounce it against the floor. And now here he was in the basketball court with his team next to him. Staring back at the enemy team, looking back at Midoirma silently. The green haired shooter didn't know what the phantom was thinking, But he could see the anxiety that riddled his body language, what was going on with him. 

Kuroko couldn't breath, He hadn't had time to figure out how he could improve his own skills and now he had one of the biggest challenges yet, Midorima. Takao was busy smiling at him and Kuroko tried hard to take no notice. He knew he couldn't depend on Kagami forever but he had a hard time letting go of that connection. Kagami had quickly become his safety blanket, He had become Kurokos calming presence that he needed, Kuroko was scared to let that go. He closes his eyes gently at the sound of the whistle signifying the start of the game. He has to move, he needs to move so he can do his thing but. 

His legs aren't working, 

His minds screaming at them to move but they stay locked in place, His chest was getting tighter this was embarrassing he was just stood there! He can't breath someone needs to help him breath, someone needs to help, Anyone please

Kagami! 

"Take it slow" A soft voice cuts through the screaming in his mind and a big warm hand gently encases the back of his head he jumps looking back at the source of his encouragement and pauses seeing his senpai, Kyioshi, He smiles down at him gently "It doesn't matter if you mess up okay? this is practice and you have an entire team backing you. You don't have to be invincible. You just have to be you" Kurokos legs relax a little from their tensed position, That made him feel a little better. The soft smile from his upperclassmen helps calm his mind "Take it easy, don't go hurting you hand again" Was the last thing the center said before running off to join the fray. Kuroko takes a deep breath focusing on the feeling of air filling his lungs. That feels a little better. Just take it easy.

Okay, pretty simple just push the ball like he always does Just pass around. No that wont work - Aomine proved it wouldn't work anymore. He was at the end of his own ability - Unknown territory to his potential. 

The players ran past him on the court chasing the ball, Paying him no mind. That's what it was always like, the game continued on like he wasn't there. He used to like that feeling, of being able to step in to play at any time he was needed. But sometimes he was useless to the team even with his presence on the court. He needed to be more. 

He needs a more aggressive offence and solid defense. He cant just be...Plain. He glances at the score board and sighs, The difference in their scores might not have been so big if Kagami was around. At least he can shoot a basket, they can barely get close to their net right now. He needed to do something to help other than passing the ball around! 

His brain took over for him, His arms moved without really thinking and his desire overpowered his reason as standing there, in front of Midorima without thinking he caught the ball he was intending to pass. One moment of silence and blankness covered him, What was he to do now? He can't shoot from here (Or at all really). What was he thinking, 

He wasn't

His brain wasn't working the way he wanted it to, the way he needed it too and now all the attention was on him. Again. All these eyes on him staring at him, he hated it. He wanted to sink into the shadows and drown into the darkness they thrived in. His brain stops eating away at himself long enough to hear a small disappointed chuckle as the familiar feeling of the ball in his hand gets stripped away, A few seconds after that the swish of a net.

The sides of his vision darken a little as he tries to keep calm, Tries to ignore the tightening of his chest and throat as his frustration tries to overtake him 

Midorima was angry, and he was shocked by what Kuroko had done. Why would he try something that was completely out of his element? He was getting brave and cocky and it was only gonna cause problems. He looks back at the blue haired male and sighs, "What the hell was that Kuroko? what was the point? Messing around with some Nonsensical play?" He asks glaring down at him slightly. Kuroko keeps his eyes down on the floor and sighs a little,

"I just...Want to get stronger" were the only words that he could force out as a reason for his bizarre actions. Another small chuckle fills the silence as he slowly looks up to the shooter, Oh he hated how everyone was taller than him.. 

" Don't make me laugh.. I don't know what happened when you lost to Aomine but at the very least you should have known the extent of our abilities, you think something will happen when you just give it your all?" He asks, Kurokos chest tightens and it was starting to feel like he wasn't breathing air, it felt thick and hard to swallow like he was choking on nothing. He couldn't focus. And what hurt more was that he knew deep down that Midoirma was right. He silently hoped that was the end of his old teammates torments but one last painful sentence stabbed its way into Kuroko's mind "A man who can't fight on his own, can't get stronger on his own, Naturally." And that was it, He watched silently as Midorima walked away from him, back into play as he stood there. The words slowly absorbing into his mind like poison. Corrupting every cell in his body until it all felt heavy. Like something was puling him down into a dark pit. 

Was he still breathing? Every inhale stung his lungs and burned his throat. Every small exhale made his body ache and scream like he should be holding onto every little peace of oxygen he could get. Every inhale felt like his last. His hands burnt and his wrist ached. Like something was clawing under the skin trying to gnaw its way out. All this pressure in his body slowly incases his spine and it felt awful, He felt like he was going to break, like he couldn't breath and now in his moment of pain, It felt like his chest would cave in. 

Kagami, 

Where's Kagami? Can Kuroko run after him? Yes yes running helps, running always helps. It helps fight off the pending darkness of sleep, It helped keep his mind focused on the burning in his legs. 

He needs Kagami. He looks around in his silent panic. Where is he? Why isn't he back yet? He makes brief eye contact with the coach who rises from her position from the bench. She's noticed, why did she have to notice? Kuroko needs to move to act like he's okay. He can't drag the team down. His eyes shift to the entrance to the gym and a minuscule amount of relief washed over him seeing familiar eyes staring back in concern. His legs wont move. 

Is his body finally screaming at him to stop, To sleep and relax? 

He has to ignore it, He has to get to Kagami. The people on the court wont miss his presence and they wont notice him gone. Yeah he just needs Kagami, Kagami always he-

"Kuroko!" Someone from his team, who is it? He doesn't have time to turn around as he see's Kagami's eyes widen as a sharp pain hits the back of his head and he finally starts falling downward, His body hitting the ground with a soft thump. Someone must have caught him but. He has no time to look up at who as finally his vision goes dark and for the first time in weeks,

something drags his consciousness to the depths of his own sorrow

**Author's Note:**

> Any mistakes I missed in editing let me know :D


End file.
